Unveiling...

Today is Wednesday, a day that is offering great reflection. I am reviewing my business plan for 2011, my marketing plan for 2011. Reflecting on thoughts that have assisted me...Rambling on in my head. I thought this morning I would do something most would never even consider, that is a 20 minute writing. I do them often but I usually am writing, not typing. I promise I will go back and reread this to make sense out of my random thoughts. When you are writing, that is one of the "rules", not to rewrite your words. When you reread them you will know what your core issue is hiding deep down. The more your do these exercises, the deeper you clean.
This is being pretty open for me. I am walking through what I guide my coaching clients through to give them an awakening. I thought I had already been awake, but now knowing we all go to sleep as well and awakening is an ongoing activity. Funny how I learn so much from my 20 minute writings. I can do them because no one else ever has to read them. My kids or husband may find my notes in journals then all the truth will come out. A part of me wants to know when I am to die, I have considered burning them. What good would that do? keep me hidden from the ones I love? Silly statement when I see it written out. But truth is like that, learning to know who you are with full acceptance, well anytime you want to hide you are not accepting. I feel resistance in writing down what is in my head for fear of retribution or criticism. Funny how that always is the case, I try to be open but when I am I get reprimanded because I'm not following someone 's. I have simply learned to keep it to myself. Interesting. When Doug and I were driving home from Highland, UT we stopped at a red light. Doug mentioned we could turn and get to Draper from here. Great idea but I was still drawn to go straight into the traffic, construction and willing to participate in a longer drive home ALL because it was familiar to me. I was startled at how hard it was for me to deviate from my norm, my normal actions. Long story short, we turned and enjoyed a pleasant drive to Draper without the traffic and construction. Beautiful views, great weather and great company.
If any of you reading this... you can see I simply ramble. Pause, Pause, Pause, I'll do it! I am faced with negative thoughts, thoughts of me not good enough right now. I only have three houses I'm working on, to me that's not enough. I find myself in the same cycle over and over never doing or being enough. That right there is false! I know I am good enough and I know I do enough. I can only do what I do that moment and it's the best I can give right then. Can I become even better? YES that is the goal but you notice I said "even better" which gives me the words of acceptance but improvement all at the same time. It don't hear lack of anything. It pushes me forward to become even better than before. That feels good.
I was wondering who I could talk to, receive council from but I realize I have put myself in the position of leader. People come to me to get council not to give it. Being that leader is sometimes a lonely place so I revert to my 20 minute writings.
I am learning to be more open to others about my feelings of lack, my feelings of not being good enough. That is hard all reverting back to the fear of being criticized, fear of rejection, fear of retribution. Interesting facts I have learned about myself. Showing me I have more work to do to walk through these fears.
After this writing I am more motivated to enhance my killer marketing plan, my killer business plan :) Love it!!!! I get so pumped after I write because of clarity --- the reason I do what I do becomes the driving force of my day. Love it!!!